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Alex R Jamison
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January 2014
alexr
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Post by Alex R Jamison on Apr 15, 2019 15:18:20 GMT -8
If you are an adult over 30 how do you handle parents who still verbally abuse you and scold you like a child? How would you handle it if they acted like every effort you made wasn't good enough?
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180565
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Mar 27, 2024 17:05:47 GMT -8
User 180565 is taking donation
I forgot you were a person
10,420
June 2012
keenk
Pink Stars
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Post by User 180565 is taking donation on Apr 15, 2019 16:44:58 GMT -8
To be honest a 30 year old man should be able to take that kind of heat, not being mean here or saying I know your past but a grown adult should be able to ignore that kind of stuff.
I feel like we need more information about your story to give proper advice. Do you have a full time job? Do you still live with your parents etc...
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17836
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Mar 25, 2024 9:54:18 GMT -8
daniel
27,203
December 2003
danielsmith
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Post by daniel on Apr 15, 2019 17:28:02 GMT -8
I'd limit my time and interactions with them. I'd tell them, "your behavior is abusive and not a good thing for me to be around. Let me know when you've changed that. I don't want to deal with it or expose my (future) kids to it."
for what it's worth, I've had to have a mild version of that conversation with my own mom. She wasn't too friendly with my sister-in-law when my brother and her were a new couple. I basically told my mom, "If you ever treat a woman I love or my family like that then you won't see me after."
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Feb 15, 2024 11:24:20 GMT -8
Brian Welch
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April 2018
greenscreenman
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Post by Brian Welch on Apr 16, 2019 0:07:13 GMT -8
To be honest a 30 year old man should be able to take that kind of heat, not being mean here or saying I know your past but a grown adult should be able to ignore that kind of stuff. I feel like we need more information about your story to give proper advice. Do you have a full time job? Do you still live with your parents etc... I'm 30, have a full time job, don't live with my parents, and I'm married.
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180565
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Mar 27, 2024 17:05:47 GMT -8
User 180565 is taking donation
I forgot you were a person
10,420
June 2012
keenk
Pink Stars
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Post by User 180565 is taking donation on Apr 16, 2019 4:08:19 GMT -8
To be honest a 30 year old man should be able to take that kind of heat, not being mean here or saying I know your past but a grown adult should be able to ignore that kind of stuff. I feel like we need more information about your story to give proper advice. Do you have a full time job? Do you still live with your parents etc... I'm 30, have a full time job, don't live with my parents, and I'm married. Then if you're doing what you're suppose to and have your own thing going on if ignore them if it bothers you so much they will have a turn around.
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Sept 18, 2023 9:07:51 GMT -8
Retread
Tribbial Pursuit.
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January 2018
retread
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Post by Retread on Apr 16, 2019 4:27:17 GMT -8
If you are an adult over 30 how do you handle parents who still verbally abuse you and scold you like a child? How would you handle it if they acted like every effort you made wasn't good enough? CCCCalmly, Carefully, and Consistently. Calmly inform them that they're overstepping their bounds. Carefully inform them of your intent to act if they continue. Consistently take appropriate action. If you're a guest in their home, the appropriate action if they don't cease and desist is to walk away. Inform them you're will to try again if they are willing to change their ways but are done with them for the day. If they're guests in your home, inform them they must leave. Don't argue about it. It's your home. Call the police if they refuse to leave. I'm serious. But maintain your composure at all times. If you are living in their house, get out. This has nothing to do with how they're acting. You're an adult. You shouldn't be living with Mommy and Daddy unless one of them is disabled and needs your care (or you're in need of their care). Do you have siblings? How is your relationship with them? Do your parents treat them the same way they treat you?
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Dec 13, 2013 21:59:46 GMT -8
Ameline
2,390
August 2009
yang
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Post by Ameline on Apr 16, 2019 6:37:10 GMT -8
A lot of people seem to think it is simply a matter of leaving and cutting all contact.... Parents that are emotionally abusive are very good at making you feel guilty for even considering these actions. By the time your thirty even if you seemingly have everything sorted out, every decision you make consciously or not is to make your parents happy. If you have been abused that way all your life suddenly becoming an adult doesn't undo the shame, lack of confidence, self worth and guilt. As mean as they are to you, you will be convinced that they do it out of love and your the jerk for leaving.
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#FF6600
Closet Spammer
31801
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Mar 27, 2024 17:07:05 GMT -8
wildmaven
Fear the Flying Flocks of Fiery Fury!!
35,591
October 2004
wildmaven
Wildmaven's Mini-Profile
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Post by wildmaven on Apr 16, 2019 8:07:45 GMT -8
My mother and I have never gotten along. She's extremely bitter, critical of everything, very racist, and just raises my hackles every time we get together. This weekend, my husband and I went to Vegas to visit my parents and, once again, I got into an argument with my mom.
I love my mom and I know deep down she loves me. I understand that there's nothing I can do at the age of 54 to change my 80+ year old mother's actions. Years ago, I realized that I can either stop going there and feel guilty about not seeing her, or I can just deal with her in short visits which is what I choose to do. I know it's going to be stressful, but with every visit we make a bit more progress. This visit, after our argument, she actually told me that she loves me. We talked for a while afterwards, mending a bit of the broken fence that's our tenuous relationship.
Basically, since you're an adult now and don't live with her, you need to figure out what's best for your mental health. I chose to keep trying.
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