Are you Stuck in the Past? Do our Elders Really Know Better?

[Meryl]

….and is there anything wrong with that?


Are values, morals and lifestyles better these days?  Why do a lot of us remember the 'old times' with affection?  Do you incorporate old family values when bringing up your own, young family?

Do you think that your elders got it right?  Do you think your elders were too harsh?  Do you think they were too soft? Do you think they were out of touch somewhat, and needed to listen to their own children/grandchildren and try to connect with them...rather than control them?

I have mixed feelings.  I was brought up to have good morals and consider people besides myself.  Be a 'good' girl.  However, I have since learned that people are people.  My parents weren't saints...hell, I recently found out that my parents had sex before marriage!

Do you think our elders are hypocrites?

I suppose it depends on how they make you feel. If they judge you based on your actions...they are.  

Elders DON'T always know better.  If they think they do, they are control freaks....if they don't listen to your story.

Elders should have empathy....that is what makes us wise.

[Joshua Farrell]

Well, it really depends on the elder and how they grew up, which defines if they really do know better. I mean, I had a grand father that knew better when it came to alcohol use, but never did anything to curb the use. He and his wife always got into arguments over how much was drank over the course of a week.

Probably why kids tend to emulate adults who the kids think are examples, if they don't want to listen to their own parents.

[Meryl]

Aug 18, 2019 9:51:01 GMT -8 Joshua Farrell said:

Well, it really depends on the elder and how they grew up, which defines if they really do know better. I mean, I had a grand father that knew better when it came to alcohol use, but never did anything to curb the use. He and his wife always got into arguments over how much was drank over the course of a week.

Why did your grandfather drink alcohol to excess? And why did your grandmother disagree with it? Was your grandmother a control freak? Did your grandfather drink alcohol in order to cope with your grandmother's demands? Did your grandfather speak the truth after consuming alcohol? Did your grandmother not like it?

When you say your grandfather 'knew better'...what do you mean?

[Joshua Farrell]

Well, both my grandfather and grandmother were teachers at the high school in the area that they were raising my father, and in the case of my grandfather, he was one of the coaches and the health teacher. He had the knowledge of what too much consumption would do. Yet, as they got older, his occasional use, went up to almost daily. As far as I was told, this was becoming an issue.

The drinking got even worse after my grandmother died, about 15 years after both of them retired.

I know that my father and his siblings tried to help, but the drinking never went down to what it was before retirement.

[Meryl]

Aug 18, 2019 10:26:54 GMT -8 Joshua Farrell said:

Well, both my grandfather and grandmother were teachers at the high school in the area that they were raising my father, and in the case of my grandfather, he was one of the coaches and the health teacher. He had the knowledge of what too much consumption would do. Yet, as they got older, his occasional use, went up to almost daily. As far as I was told, this was becoming an issue.

The drinking got even worse after my grandmother died, about 15 years after both of them retired.

I know that my father and his siblings tried to help, but the drinking never went down to what it was before retirement.

I'm sorry to hear that, but there is a reason for everything, and your grandfather had his reasons for drinking. He obviously needed an escape from something.

[Minime]

With all the exposed media and knowledge available at anyone’s fingertips in this current modern age, it makes sense that people these days have a broader, more open-minded sense of values and morals. Most people who grew up without access to the information we can easily get now, will undoubtedly feel more inclined towards the way they were brought up, because not only is it what they know, but because there’s the mindset that it’s what worked. Sometimes that can translate as stubborn, but as with any conversation, it’s one that has to be understood and acknowledged even if one doesn’t necessarily agree with it.

I think having a healthy appreciation or, at the least, an understanding of elders morals and values, should be considered when applied to modern day parenting. I don’t have a family of my own as of right now, but I myself was brought up heavily on the tradition of respecting and looking after your elders, and them having a large say in family matters. When I think about how I’d like to raise my future children, I’d want to incorporate the importance of respecting elders and other such traditions, but not let it be the sole focus in the large spectrum of parenting tools and values I’d like to instill in my children. Take the best of an older generation’s values and apply it in a way that makes sense to you.

[Former Member]

I dont know. I try to be better than I was yesterday.

But with my wife and i, i try to hold the same values as my grandparents did. Yeah, we fought, yelled and bickered. But we got past it and actually live a better life. Its best to not get mad and just to talk it out for whatever is bothering.

I've always wanted a relationship where it's like my grandparents, and albeit, their relationship sometimes wasn't great. They argued, etc like any normal couple. Never in front of kids, or around others, they never landed a hand on each other either. They were together for 50 years until my grandpa had 3 massive heart attacks in a row after passing out because of pancreatic cancer in 2010

But, I value their values, they never taught me to hate someone, anyone of a different race, religion or sexuality, they brought my mom and her siblings up that same way.

Though, on my dads side. I've no idea. He abandoned my mom after he found out i was created. So... but, I've learned from that, and if my wife's water didn't break because of a weak cervix, I'd be the best father i could ever be. Take what my mom taught me, and teach my son that same thing.

I'm not sure if this answered your question, just figured this could be it? Lol.

[Artemis]

I think there's something to be taken from any generation, and there's a lot we can learn from people who grew up before we did, but lessons from their time need to be applied in the context of ours. Right or wrong or neither, the world is a lot different now. I think like you said that empathy is really important. That and critical thinking and also just broadening your experiences, meeting new people, learning about different parts of the world, etc. That's how you get the context you need and the ability to figure out whether what you're learning is right or not.

I've learned a lot from my parents and I'd like to think I'm a better person now because of what they taught me. I don't agree with them on everything, but that was always okay with us. They never made me be any one thing in particular. They never told me that there were things I Had To Do because of tradition or because something being done for a long time meant it was right. And there are some things I saw from them I hope never to repeat. I guess I still learned some things from them even if it was what not to do, or how to do better than they did. But I had to learn as much from them as I could before I knew what to take away on my own.

[HoudiniDerek]

I think a lot of us remember an "old time" with affection because it's a good memory. That's not to say that we won't make more of those types of memories to refer back to as we age though. I remember a lot of things to love about spending time with my grandparents for example. However, some of the "morals" of that age were racism, sexism, etc., so not sure I would want to endorse those things. Granted, not everything that happens now is worthy of endorsement either. I think everyone takes the good and romanticizes it.

[wildmaven]

If I followed the beliefs of my parents, I would believe that all races other than my own were bad. I'd believe that it's okay to bring people down, to not encourage their individuality and skills. I'd believe that most of the world is bad. My sister and brother believe all that. I moved out when I was 16 and got away from all that negativity, learning that my parents were wrong in so many ways and that the world is filled with amazing things if you're not afraid to step outside of what you think you know.

[SafeInSanity]

I think the answers to both questions are obvious. Yes, and Yes! Just look how people are behaving today compared to the old days. I would gladly go back in time. people are evil today but they will all be destroyed soon.

[Ameline]

Things seemed a lot simpler then but it is hard to know what is reality and what is just nostalgia.

I value something but not necessarily others.

I like that even as a kid I had reasonable freedom to go to another kids and play if I wanted. Something that really doesn't happen much now due to fear of kidnapping. I like that I was ingrained with certain morals that I think do make me a better person: things like honesty, persistence,etc.

I hate that parents of my generation didn't really take kids feelings or opinions seriously and could be rather harsh/dismissive. Some of the things my parents use to tell me and other kids back then could potentially get them thrown in jail now.

I don't think I'm stuck in the past or think they knew better. Everyone just does what they think is best based on the circumstances. I can't approach things today the someway people did 30 years ago because time changes things. Just the technology we have now changes the rules of parenting. Parents today have to navigate way more things then I think my parents ever had to.  As a 90's kid my reaction to a kid today complaining about an embarrassing picture would be to tell them to destroy it.....but that doesn't solve the problem, because even if they get rid of their copy it still lives online forever.

New games need new rules.

[stardust]

i dunno. i'd like to imagine i am a lot more open minded than my elders. (if by elders we mean like, grandparents or aunts/uncles, etc). a lot of them are stuck in their own ways. luckily i deviated from that and am going on my own path and am learning new things my own way every day.

i'm trying not to repeat the same mistakes my parents made when i was growing up. i'm trying to be my own person and not make what happened in my childhood/teen years who i am today. and i'm trying to.. be more in touch with my emotions and whatnot. i dunno, it's hard to explain without going into detail i think and im not 100% comfortable with that.