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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 12, 2015 7:23:16 GMT -8
So I'm looking for a few things hopefully for people to critique at Star Wars, LOTS. Mainly about the plot, English wasn't my best subject in school so I'm mainly looking for someone to come and double check to make sure everything makes sense. I'd like your thoughts on everything, whether they be good or bad. Thank you
Edit: Even if you don't have an opinion on the plot please don't be afraid to critique other parts.
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 12, 2015 19:54:31 GMT -8
Twelve Hour Bump 8:54
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 13, 2015 19:34:34 GMT -8
Bump 8:33
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 14, 2015 18:52:23 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 15, 2015 12:24:25 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 16, 2015 7:28:10 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 16, 2015 20:57:07 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 18, 2015 7:28:33 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 18, 2015 21:58:36 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 21, 2015 7:58:25 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 21, 2015 20:50:55 GMT -8
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Post by Lord Eorr on Jul 26, 2015 8:13:11 GMT -8
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Mixed
And the new sun rises. With it comes restored hopes and renewed dreams.
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Post by Mixed on Jul 26, 2015 14:11:34 GMT -8
This is going to be a quick critique for now. I thought I would give your plot a look as that's what you asked for; however, I couldn't find it right away. I had to dig. I only looked once I realized the Holonet had 4 threads and 5 posts, so I figured one of those threads had to be rules or something. Therefore, my first suggestion would be to add a description or something to these boards so guests know this is where they need to look for both plot and especially the rules. I like your theme. It is very clear that this is a Star Wars based forum. I also like that your page isn't cluttered with a lot of boards. One role-play board and two Out-of-character boards are good for a new forum. Be ready though in the future to add boards if so many members join it becomes crowded. A question though: Why do you have an Ads board AND an Approved Ads sub-board in your Holonet? It would make more sense to combine those, preferably moving it out of the Holonet where everything else pertains to YOUR forum, not other forums. English critiques in your plot: - P1 Last Sentence: "Chancellor's" not "Chancellors"; "breath" not "breathe"
- P2 Sentence 1: "... of the galaxy, the leaders"; "... war room in a Mustafar mining..."
- There vs Their: "their war efforts" and "their outer rim planets"; 'their' refers to possession while 'there' refers to a place
Unfortunately, I need to go to bed for now. Maybe I'll have time to go through the rest. If you want, I might be able to critique the rest of the plot for you and send it to your via private message. That may be easier rather than using bullet points here.
Have fun and good luck!
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