Post by Syko Nachoman on Dec 26, 2014 10:36:57 GMT -8
Today, I plan to turn a quarter of a century old. Actually, I didn't plan for it. It just sort of happened. Anyway, I felt the need to do something to commemorate the occasion, for reasons that are bizarre and incomprehensible to the more logical parts of my brain, and so what follows is a list of life lessons I have learned. I was planning to write 25 things in celebration of 25 years, but that's ridiculous, so I just wrote whatever I wanted to write instead.
Note: Most of these items were written last night after 1:00 a.m., so you may have just read the introspective ramblings of a mildly sleep-deprived person rather than any genuinely useful life advice.
- Spending time with other people may seem undesirable almost always, but people are not a complete waste of time. On occasion, you might learn something from interacting with them, or, at the very least, they may provide a test audience for your creative material.
- Avoid eating for pleasure. Doing so is a surefire way to become fat and docile and potentially ruin your health, depending on your level of self-control. Only eat for survival, and drink only water or sports drinks. You may consume small amounts of junk food, but only if it is offered to you by another person. Never purchase junk food or sugary drinks for yourself.
- If you don't engage in some creative pursuit on a regular basis, you will not be happy with yourself. Don't just imagine yourself creating things; create them.
- Sleeping during your daily commute, if possible, will allow you to subsist on fewer hours of sleep at night.
- If you have nothing better to do, never pass up an opportunity to spend time with a group of good friends. That group probably won't exist in a few years.
- Don't waste time watching "classic" movies. Most of them are terrible. Look for movies that are praised for their writing, and ignore any accolades related to directing or acting, unless for some reason those specific things are of interest to you. Or, even better, seek out well-written TV series, which tend to be much more engaging and enjoyable than movies.
- Don't be ashamed to sleep in. Waking up before noon on a weekend is inexcusable unless your house is on fire.
- The meaning of life is that intelligent life with sensory perception is capable of observing and appreciating the universe from which it came, because without it, the universe had might as well not exist. There. Now you know what the meaning of life is, you can skip all that navel-gazing nonsense and save yourself a lot of mental exertion the next time you feel depressed or are taking a long shower.
- Don't take your frustration out on inanimate objects. You might kill them.
- An easy way to feel good about yourself for several days is to do something good for someone else, completely out of the blue, without expecting anything back. Have a friend you haven't talked to in a while? Send them a message telling them how much you appreciate them. Read an enjoyable or well-researched submission on Reddit? Buy gold for that person. You can then reflect back on that good deed for the next few days and think, "Yeah, I'm pretty awesome for making that other person feel good." The other person benefits, too, so it's win-win.
- If you have a problem you can't seem to deal with, try typing several paragraphs, in the style of a forum post, about the situation. It's not necessary to submit this post anywhere, but the simple acting of typing it out can help you to sort out your thoughts.
- Water tastes surprisingly good right after you've finished exercising.
- If you ever find that you've grown tired of your personal music collection, acquire every album and EP released under the following names: Guided by Voices, Robert Pollard, Tobin Sprout, Airport 5, Boston Spaceships, Circus Devils, Eyesinweasel, Lifeguards, Takeovers. After listening to all of those albums a few times each, begin creating playlists out of them. Your ears will never be bored again.
- Always check the mirror before leaving the house, unless you're planning to wear a hat all day. This is especially pertinent if you have curly hair.
- Try not to own anything that you don't want and will likely never use. If you find yourself with a lot of useless items, eBay is your friend; just be sure to describe the items as being in slightly worse condition than they actually are.
- Romance and fiction do not mix. Ever. Don't waste your time.
- Never enter into a debate if you don't think it's possible that your opinion on the topic could change.
- The most beautiful part of the day occurs just before the sun rises. While I personally find it difficult to be awake at that hour, I highly recommend experiencing it now and then, both for the excellent view of the sky and the general lack of other people.
- If you try to do two things at once, you'll get done two things, but you won't have done either of them well.
- If you're a Philadelphia Eagles fan, all optimism must be extremely cautious optimism.
- If you want to read and learn about international politics, you must first be willing to let go of any preconceived notions you might have that humans are inherently good. Otherwise, you will only end up depressed.
- It is justifiable to own an N64 and a GameCube even if the only video games you own are Paper Mario and Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. They're that good.
- The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.
- If you find yourself becoming bored often, try switching to a different activity every 45 minutes.
- The best way to succeed socially in public school is through aloofness. Having a sense of humor also helps.
- Try to dislike as few people as possible. You can argue with as many people as you like, but harboring resentment is worthless. At 25, I cannot think of a single person I've interacted with whom I personally dislike. Similarly, if a previously-disliked person seems to be making positive strides, don't shut them out.
- If you must judge yourself for something you've done, remember that what matters is the intent of your action, not the result of it.
- Learning boring social niceties, even if they don't seem to serve a purpose, can make you more likeable to other people. Personal grooming likewise should not be ignored.
- If you love yourself, take good care of your health. That means exercising, eating right, and not engaging in habits that destroy your health. If you don't love yourself, do those things anyway. Maybe if you start doing them, that will change.
- It wasn't a waste of time if you enjoyed it.
- Online friendships and communication are no less meaningful than "real" ones. Either way, both of you are taking time out of your day to communicate with one another.
- Your first attempt at writing a novel will be completely terrible. Your second draft will be mostly terrible. Your third draft will be only a little bit terrible. On the fourth attempt, you'll nail that puppy.
- You don't need a smartphone.
- Watching an episode from the second, third, or fourth season of Parks and Recreation will cure most ailments.
- I expect the average person to take issue with at least one of the items on this list, and that's OK. I won't allow that line of thought to prevent me from publishing my list in full, and neither should you.
- Whenever you are in doubt about anything, simply ask yourself, "What would Ron Swanson do?"
Note: Most of these items were written last night after 1:00 a.m., so you may have just read the introspective ramblings of a mildly sleep-deprived person rather than any genuinely useful life advice.