On the Road with Joe, an Attempt. . .

[bryant]

. . .At Gonzo Journalism

weezynips.com/ontheroad.html

Another short story that I wrote. Constructive crticism and proofreading would be most excellent. Comments more than a few words or one sentence in length would be much appreciated. Why liked or disliked it would be most excellent. Thanks.

And to those who've already read this, I've tweaked it a bit, so give it another read, please.

[myke]

snapfu said:

. . .At Gonzo Journalism

weezynips.com/ontheroad.html

Another short story that I wrote. Constructive crticism and proofreading would be most excellent. Comments more than a few words or one sentence in length would be much appreciated. Why liked or disliked it would be most excellent. Thanks.

And to those who've already read this, I've tweaked it a bit, so give it another read, please.

The writing itself isn't bad at all. The first part reminded me a little too much of Hunter S. Thompson's writing, but as I read on, that cause of that reminder faded.

Like I said, the writing isn't bad, but this seems more like a diary entry then a story. There is a beginning, but there is no climax, or no ending.

Basically the narrator was on his porch, got into a car, used the phone, watched a train, drove to a party where the narrator and his friend pretty much did nothing gut eat, left that party and went to another where they pretty much did nothing but eat macaroni salad.

The he went back to a house and played a game, then left listening to what he thought was one of the greatest songs ever written.

While your writing style is fine, the story tells a lack of a story. Even in Gonzo Journalism, a story needs to accompany good writing.

I once started on a book about my travels across America, Canada and Mexico, not because of the traveling aspect, but because of the crazy things we got ourselves into, the strange and weird events that fell before us.

I'm not trying to be overly critical, not at all. Like I said, your writing style is fine, but perhaps a story with something more then the average everyday life of the average Joe would peak more interest.

[Member 27]

It's a real story.

[bryant]

myke said:

snapfu said:

. . .At Gonzo Journalism

weezynips.com/ontheroad.html

Another short story that I wrote. Constructive crticism and proofreading would be most excellent. Comments more than a few words or one sentence in length would be much appreciated. Why liked or disliked it would be most excellent. Thanks.

And to those who've already read this, I've tweaked it a bit, so give it another read, please.

The writing itself isn't bad at all. The first part reminded me a little too much of Hunter S. Thompson's writing, but as I read on, that cause of that reminder faded.

Like I said, the writing isn't bad, but this seems more like a diary entry then a story. There is a beginning, but there is no climax, or no ending.

Basically the narrator was on his porch, got into a car, used the phone, watched a train, drove to a party where the narrator and his friend pretty much did nothing gut eat, left that party and went to another where they pretty much did nothing but eat macaroni salad.

The he went back to a house and played a game, then left listening to what he thought was one of the greatest songs ever written.

While your writing style is fine, the story tells a lack of a story. Even in Gonzo Journalism, a story needs to accompany good writing.

I once started on a book about my travels across America, Canada and Mexico, not because of the traveling aspect, but because of the crazy things we got ourselves into, the strange and weird events that fell before us.

I'm not trying to be overly critical, not at all. Like I said, your writing style is fine, but perhaps a story with something more then the average everyday life of the average Joe would peak more interest.

Thank you. Comments are greatly appreciated.

m27 said:

It's a real story.

Of course it's real, but that doesn't mean it's true.

[Member 27]

snapfu said:

m27 said:

It's a real story.

Of course it's real, but that doesn't mean it's true.

So it wasn't true?

[bryant]

m27 said:

snapfu said:

Of course it's real, but that doesn't mean it's true.

So it wasn't true?

Didn't you read the disclaimer?

[Member 27]

snapfu said:

m27 said:

So it wasn't true?

Didn't you read the disclaimer?

Yeah, I did, and now I'm asking.

[bryant]

m27 said:

snapfu said:

Didn't you read the disclaimer?

Yeah, I did, and now I'm asking.

And I'm not answering.

[Member 27]

snapfu said:

m27 said:

Yeah, I did, and now I'm asking.

And I'm not answering.

Why not?

[bryant]

m27 said:

snapfu said:

And I'm not answering.

Why not?

That's a dumb question.

[bryant]

myke said:

The writing itself isn't bad at all. The first part reminded me a little too much of Hunter S. Thompson's writing, but as I read on, that cause of that reminder faded.

I just thought to ask this. . . what exactly reminded of you Hunter S. Thompson and what caused this reminder to go away?

[homegrown898]

Like xkamelx said, you read the story expecting something to happen. Expecting some climax but nothing comes and there is no real ending. It's like sort of reading the beginning.........

It's like sort of reading the beginning of a sentence and not finishing it. There was nothing interesting about it. It was just a dull story. The writing itself was fine but it was just boring and I assume it was written that way for a reason knowing you.

[bryant]

homegrown898 said:

Like xkamelx said, you read the story expecting something to happen. Expecting some climax but nothing comes and there is no real ending. It's like sort of reading the beginning.........

It's like sort of reading the beginning of a sentence and not finishing it. There was nothing interesting about it. It was just a dull story. The writing itself was fine but it was just boring and I assume it was written that way for a reason knowing you.

Thanks, now continue.