People treating staff differently?

[Chrissiest Chris]

EDIT because I worded this painfully bad:

Staff seem to get treated differently than members. That's normal, but I'm afraid people will be too "scared" to actually challenge my opinion and will fear a ban just cause of the tone they speak in, which is ridiculous. I don't want to be left out, even if people are throwing around slurs. So what are you guys experience with getting special treatment?

[Kami]

You will be treated differently as a staff member. It's inevitable. How much differently is entirely based on your conduct and how big your site is.

Having been both staff and not here on support I'll tell you that it's wildly different. People like to suck up, both in a negative way and in a sweet way depending on the person. I don't know what they thought it would accomplish though since I was merely a mod and had insufficient powers to do much of anything other than lock threads and tell people off

But on my forum it's different. we aren't as big as support and we have more stringent rules governing behaviour; you put out the vibes you want to get, and honestly i only see minor differences between being an admin and being a normal member -- mainly in that people tend to be afraid of us at first til they feel more at home on the site.

I mean... honestly if your members are hurling slurs at you I think that's wild. Putting aside how I feel about slurs, from a practicality point of view blurring the line between admin and member is a dangerous slope. I once had an staff member who insisted no one treat him differently after I promoted him... and members ran all over him. No one listened when he moderated a thread or a member, his judgement was constantly being undermined. It was a huge part of our decision to demote him. He has ceased being an effective staff member. if this happens to you as admin, you are going to find yourself subjected to drama up the wazoo, i promise you.

[Chrissiest Chris]

I worded my first post pretty poorly. My forum is very laid back on rules such as slurs being thrown around, but I obviously have my limits. Just because I'm fine with it doesn't mean others are, though. On topic though, my main issue is obviously not that I wan't to be yelled at with insulting slurs, but if people are going to do it to other people, I don't wanna be left out. That story is really not how I want things to end up like, but how bad could it have been, really? If they don't listen to him then he should have given them a warning/infraction/threadban or whichever system is used.

[Kami]

Nov 19, 2016 20:59:53 GMT -8 Chrissiest Chris said:

I worded my first post pretty poorly. My forum is very laid back on rules such as slurs being thrown around, but I obviously have my limits. Just because I'm fine with it doesn't mean others are, though. On topic though, my main issue is obviously not that I wan't to be yelled at with insulting slurs, but if people are going to do it to other people, I don't wanna be left out. That story is really not how I want things to end up like, but how bad could it have been, really? If they don't listen to him then he should have given them a warning/infraction/threadban or whichever system is used.

There were other factors to his demotion which i felt were off topic to this thread but if you're curious he used his staff powers to grant privileges to people who sucked up to him, and to speak on behalf of the administration without our knowledge much less our permission.

The purpose of the story was to show what kind of drama would ensue. Upper administration had to constantly field complaints, step in to mediate disputes, and so on. His job was to make our lives easier not harder, and by having no filter between his official capacity and his capacity as a member, it diluted any power he had on the board despite having technical ability. Does that make sense? And that was just as a moderator, not even as a gmod or admin.

edited to address you revised OP: honestly i stand by the statement you get what you put out. i engage with members the way i expect to be engaged with based on the rules of the forum. in turn, a majority of members do the same. you'll always get a few that will be afraid of getting banned or who want to suck up, but in my opinion as long as you demonstrate that doesn't affect you most people will pick up on that. i think larger forums tend to have a bigger problem; particularly here on support bc this is the official pb forum there's a bit more sucking up than you'd find elsewhere, but it's to be expected to a degree.

[Pebbles]

Nov 19, 2016 20:59:53 GMT -8 Chrissiest Chris said:

I worded my first post pretty poorly. My forum is very laid back on rules such as slurs being thrown around, but I obviously have my limits. Just because I'm fine with it doesn't mean others are, though. On topic though, my main issue is obviously not that I wan't to be yelled at with insulting slurs, but if people are going to do it to other people, I don't wanna be left out. That story is really not how I want things to end up like, but how bad could it have been, really? If they don't listen to him then he should have given them a warning/infraction/threadban or whichever system is used.

i am still kind of confused reading both your posts
but if you are saying you do not want people to treat you ''better'' because you are admin or so
and you do not want them to be afraid of you and treat you ''differently''

what can i say? that is what happens, they do not want to get banned or anything if they like the forum so they will try to be as polite as they possibly can be to you BUT appears you have not been that ''lucky'' yet to get one or two who do not give a F about who is admin and they talk to you any way they like.... 

look, if you do not want special treatment, just try and join the party?
i am one with the members on my kpop forum as far as i know, nobody treats me differently
and maybe that is because i reply to a lot of my members their messages, i quote them a lot, i ask them questions and try to get close and personal sometimes, bonding you know, so they forget i am the admin lol which is not a bad thing
but when i do need to be an admin, i keep it firm, short and simple and with a couple emoticons attached
 
you kinda make it sound like you want people to insult you though haha which is kinda strange to be honest

[Chrissiest Chris]

I just want to be in "the gang" and don't want people to be afraid to discuss or argue with me, in fear of getting banned. That'd be a ridiculous reason to ban someone. The insult parts was just an example, it's not like I yearn to be insulted, but I wouldn't ban or even warn someone who did.

[Kami]

The problem is you're just never going to be one of the gang no matter what. By default you have power over your members and that will in and of itself create a social imbalance in your interactions regardless of whether or not you have a non-staff version of your account. This is just life. You cannot be friends with your bosses or anyone who has authority over you the same way you can with someone who is your peer because they have power over you.

You'll either have to just get used to it and mitigate how much it affects you, or you should not be an admin if it bothers you that much. It will not go away entirely, so the question is how will you handle it?

Also, no offence, but you are an admin in this scenario. Acting like one of the gang creates confusion. Where is the line? When do they have to respect you and not treat you like junk and when don't they? The goalposts will constantly be moving. You are in a position of power here, and if you want to be successful you need to behave that way, not like you're in school and hanging out with your buddies with other people making the rules.

[Chrissiest Chris]

It's not that much of an issue to me, I mostly thought it would make a good thread on here. But yeah, I'd just rather be a member of the gang. It's not 100% achieveable, but to some extent I know it is. Another forum I'm on everyone is interacting with the staff as if they were normal members.

[Kami]

I think the important thing is to just be yourself. establish firm, but fair rules, and only flex your admin muscle when it's needed.

Even here on support a vast majority of people treat admins like regular members unless they're acting in an official capacity -- because the staff are themselves and participate like normal members. It's also, I think, important not to allow the behaviour you're describing. Like I said, it will create continuously moving goal posts because how they can talk to you is subjective on what you personally find the line on each individual situation, rather than determined by a universal guideline of behaviour.

I really think that's the key. I expect staff to be first and foremost members and i will treat them how they behave.

[Pebbles]

Nov 21, 2016 1:54:26 GMT -8 Chrissiest Chris said:

I just want to be in "the gang" and don't want people to be afraid to discuss or argue with me, in fear of getting banned. That'd be a ridiculous reason to ban someone. The insult parts was just an example, it's not like I yearn to be insulted, but I wouldn't ban or even warn someone who did.

have you tried to literally post something like that what you saying to us right now?
might as well if you want to be part of the gang so bad, slip it in somewhere between convos with a cool gif? lol 
and then just hope it will not have any bad consequences i guess?

[Chrissiest Chris]

We'll see.

I'd like to hear other people's opinion on this too though. Has any of you guys actually noticed being treated differently?

[Boy_Wonder]

As a general rule I find I get treated how I treat my members. It may be that I run a roleplay forum, but when I'm on my admin account I get a bit more respect, and I only use that to do 'staff things'. But most my members seem to have picked up when I'm posting off my 'normal' account that I've not got my staff hat on.

I seperate staff from normal though so that if a situation arises I'm not going to be caught up emotionally as I treat staff side as more professional.

[Willow]

I see this all the time on RP forums and its a HUGE turn off. So many times on a established forum there is always this little group of suck ups who totally kiss the arse of the site admin. And it ends up being very clique-ish and I will leave the forum because of it. And it makes me upset the admins have such personalities that they don't see how much this offends new members.

The sites where I am admin, I make a very big point to not allow this to happen. That being said, I am the admin of the site and I do need to show confidence and leadership so that my members feel they can depend on me.

It's like a work thing. If you are a manager you can want and try to be "one of the guys" but at the end of the day you do have more responsibilities and an obligation to be more. And part if that is differentiating yourself from everyone else. In doing that, members  shouldn't consider you just like any other member. They need to see you as a leader and administrator otherwise things can go south in a hurry. 

[Kami]

you guys put it so much more eloquently than i did haha.

[Lynx]

Part of this also depends on your members. If they're coming in with an attitude, most likely they'll have some kind of attitude towards everyone, including staff. I work on letting my members know that I am the boss, but it doesn't mean I have to play the "bossman" all the time. I've got one guy who just loves to tell me "thanks for power-leveling the forum" every time I get something new added. I find it funny and joke with him about it.

But, they all know that there are forum rules in place and I will enforce them. If someone does something against the rules, though, I do it like a boss would in a job - take them aside and have a little talk with them. In the case of the forum, though, this means I talk with them through PM's - I keep it out of sight from others. They also know that if they've got a problem with another member, staff or even me, they can PM me at any time. They know that, as long as they remain civil with me (as I would remain civil with them), we can usually work out a resolution.

I only push my authority when needed. The rest of the time, I'm just another one of the guys. It's a system that works for me, but keep in mind that it may not work for everyone. I have a small forum, so it's much easier to have that kind of system. As stated above, larger forums may have to take a different approach. The hardest part is knowing how far is too far to where you need to put your foot down. This should be simplified with clear and precise forum rules. I may be the boss on my forum, but I follow my own rules as well - which sets a good example for the members and typically (not always, of course) tends to make the regular members follow them as well - as they see that, "if the boss ain't breaking the rules, maybe I shouldn't either". If you've got staff, or even yourself, not following your own forum rules, then there will be members who see this and say "hey, they're not following the rules, so why should I?"

As each forum owner is different, so is the variety of their members. There really is no hard-set system that can apply to every forum. The most you can do, imho, is to get a feel of how your members are overall, and figure out a system that works for you.

Just my 2¢ worth.