As I said in the nuked coronavirus thread, I have a part-time side gig at Walmart now and I’ve been in the trenches. I’ve seen the TP madness. It disappears within an hour of being brought out. A manager or stock jockey has to be present to dispense the ivory gold to customers, one package per customer. Saturday, customers were caught sending multiple people into the aisle to pose as unaffiliated customers in order to take more than their fair share. It’s pretty ridiculous.
I’ve had a stocked cabinet since before this all went down, but I bought a small package a couple days ago when I was coming back from lunch and saw customers carrying them out. I don’t wait until I’m almost out before restocking my consumables, so it’s not hoarding in my case.
Here are some handy tips to keep in mind:
1. The automotive/marine/hardware section stocks a limited quantity of dissolvable toilet paper for RVs and campers. Online customers might discover it in a search result, but 99.999% of in-store customers will never know it exists. If you’re in a jam and desperate to “enjoy the go,” it might be worth checking out.
2. The incomprehensible mishmash that comprises the hardware section is a treasure trove for dedicated hunters. In addition to toilet paper, vinyl/latex gloves and disinfectant wipes can also be found hidden within its aisles, in addition to their more obvious locations throughout the store.
3. There is no more in the back. If there was anything in the back, the shelves would not be bare. No matter how busy the store is, it’s never so busy that anyone would let an entire forty-six-foot aisle dedicated to a single type of product become completely depleted if there was anything at all to stock and sell. Even if the truck with paper goods recently arrived, an employee cannot go back and get you some. You’ll have to wait until the pallet(s) hit the sales floor like everyone else, which should happen within a half-ish hour, depending on what all is in the truck and where the paper products are located in the trailer.
(If an employee says they’ll check the back for you, they are not checking; they wanted an excuse to get away and check Instagram, because they’re fed up with the request and needed to decompress.)
4. The trucks come when they come. Everyone and their uncle asks this question looking for some inside scoop on when they can come and beat the crowds, but there is no definitive answer. At best, an employee may know what days of the week the truck delivers, and
maybe whether it will arrive in the morning or afternoon/evening based on past observations, but the system isn’t perfectly regimented to tell you an exact hour when you can show up and claim your porcelain prize.
5. There is no secret stash. This is a conspiracy that just won’t die. Employees are not hoarding supplies from the general public. That’s grounds for instant termination. With that said, anything is fair game once it hits the sales floor. Employees can be customers, too.
6. No, the stores are not being sanitized after hours. Sorry, but that’s just a PR lie. For that matter, stores are never really cleaned or sanitized, even under normal conditions. Bathrooms are cleaned, food prep counters are cleaned, spills are cleaned—everything else is left as-is. Cashiers can clean their register area as time permits, and the self-checkout area is sprayed down after the store closes now, but that’s after everyone has pawed everything all day long. Just a friendly heads-up on this.
7. It isn’t being advertised, but Walmart will deliver your prescriptions to your car if you call and request it. Do not park in the orange “Pickup” section, which is for use in conjunction with the online grocery service. OGP, as it’s known, is not qualified/authorized to dispense prescription medication. Park in the striped loading/unloading section in front of the store and a pharmacist or pharmacy technician will dispense your prescription(s).
8. If you really want to thank anyone for going to work so that you can buy groceries, as some people are wont to do, you can show your appreciation in the following ways:
> Maintain social distancing. Seriously, stay back. Speak up, because it’s noisy in a store with that awful radio playing, overhead announcements, a ton of customers, and coolers, freezers, and furnaces making their noises.
> Only visit a store to buy essential necessities. Yes, you can buy other things too, but if your cart contains nothing but general merchandise
sans personal care items or you’re checking out with only snack cakes and soda, you’re being judged for being a social burden in a critical time.
> Leave the kids at home. The schools are closed because the kids should be at home and generally isolated. Grocery shopping is not a family affair and a store is not a daycare for your hellspawn to run around in. Send one spouse or teenager/adult child to the store and use video calling to make the collective decisions remotely. Several customers do this and they are the best—be like them.
> If you’re sick,
STAY HOME! Too many customers walk around looking like death (not counting the goth couple that gave me a good chuckle). I’ve somehow become the unofficial over-the-phone customer service rep. for the online grocery and took a call Saturday from a woman who cancelled her order because she was sick and wanted to avoid leaving her house. The department overheard me wishing her good health before hanging up the phone and one woman asked if the customer was canceling her order due to illness. When I said yes, the department literally cheered because someone had the forethought and decency to not come out and put us at risk.
In other news, Ohio officially goes into lockdown tonight at 11:59 PM when a “shelter in place” order takes effect. People are only permitted to visit health/emergency services, groceries, pharmacies, and take walks. I received a form letter yesterday verifying that I’m an essential worker for a public service, just in case a cop harasses me. I have travel papers to move about freely. I’m an RPG protagonist now. I’m a witcher. I’m Geralt of Rivia. Deralt of Ohivia. Hmm.