Why don't you become a foster parent?

[Eloell]

This might seem totally random, and it KIIINDA is, but I thought it would be fun to challenge you guys to think through this question:

Why don't you become a foster parent?

I'm a foster parent. The overwhelming response I get when I tell people that is "Wow! You're so amazing!". I disagree. I think I'm just like anyone else, only I see a need ("orphans" without parents and homes) and my husband and I have stepped up and said we will try to meet this need as we can.

So what about you? What reasons do you have for not choosing to take care of foster kids in the system? We can all agree they need help, right? And we can all agree that taking them in is a sacrifice and is pretty awesome. So why is it that most people choose to simply "ooh" and "aah" those who do it, but make every excuse for why they can't?

( I have no intentions of offending anyone! Just hoping to start a conversation about it and possibly open up some minds. )

[HoudiniDerek]

We have considered it, but we have the following concerns:

1. We might not be in our same location that long and we might have to give them back and that transition could be even harder on them.
2. We have a lot of expenses (medical and the like) to cover and it can be expensive to add in another cost as well as home visits, schedule changes, etc.
3. We know some foster parents and we have a worry that some of the guidelines in place don't really protect the kids.


It's not something we are opposed to forever, but not something we can do at the moment and give the kids what they need to be successful.

[Eloell]

Great response, and very valid concerns!

1. Is HUGE. It totally is super hard on the kids when they have to move. I respect you for being sensitive to this one.
2. I WILL say, the monthly per diem to take care of foster kids is more than enough to cover their costs. I see foster parents complaining, but my husband and I don't understand why.
3. I'd completely agree. It isn't actually about the kids, but about the birth parents. It's very sad.

I appreciate your engagement!

[Shady]

I don’t think we could foster as we work full time and couldn’t afford to give that up. We could reduce hours if we had kids, but not by a lot and certainly couldnt have a stay at home parent. Adoption has crossed our minds as it’s looking unlikely that we’ll have biological children, but even then the hurdles we’d have to jump through and the stress on our extended family (it’s not something I’ll elaborate on, but there has been some social services involvement with a nephew’s residency so they would definitely all be interviewed etc) would be a lot to ask and probably more than we’d want to deal with.

[HoudiniDerek]

Aug 4, 2020 16:36:47 GMT -8 Eloell said:

Great response, and very valid concerns!

1. Is HUGE. It totally is super hard on the kids when they have to move. I respect you for being sensitive to this one.
2. I WILL say, the monthly per diem to take care of foster kids is more than enough to cover their costs. I see foster parents complaining, but my husband and I don't understand why.
3. I'd completely agree. It isn't actually about the kids, but about the birth parents. It's very sad.

I appreciate your engagement!

I can't really speak to the second one as we are not involved.  But knowing our current expenses and the like, adding in another mouth to feed, care for, engage in activities, etc. is not something that would likely limit our budget concerns.  Plus, we would likely have to grow our living situation to have space for another.

[:~:Sarapha:~:]

Financial and time constraints. A foster child would need a lot of extra love and attention, as many of them come from horrifyingly traumatic backgrounds, and I don't think we as a family have enough time to dedicate to fully aiding a child in need. We also have space constraints, and as we are currently renting, I'm not sure how long we will be in this house. I wouldn't want to put a foster child through another huge move before they were adjusted to the one to move in here.

[wildmaven]

I have a very good friend who fosters special needs kids. He and his wife are awesome. I've lost count of the number of kids they've helped and they recently just took on another who has now had 3 surgeries in a month. It has to be very rewarding, but incredibly heartbreaking when they eventually get adopted.

My husband is 11 years older than I am, and he'd raised 5 kids before we married. I can't have kids, but it just isn't in the cards at this point in our lives.

[ZandraJoi]

Good discussion! I'm child-free by choice & I don't even want my own kids. & as much as I love animals, I really don't want to foster animals either. Fostering, adopting is not for everyone. It DOES require extra time, commitment that some people don't want to do, care to do, etc. I'm into helping the environment but I know not everybody is committed like I am to being holistic. We all need to do our own strengths.