Member Fights & Taking Sides

[dragonfli]

How do you handle big member fights and you technically like everyone and don't wanna be involved but you have to make the choice of who gets banned and who stays?

[Kami]

Nov 27, 2021 18:26:30 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

How do you handle big member fights and you technically like everyone and don't wanna be involved but you have to make the choice of who gets banned and who stays?

I don't. Member disputes have no place on my forums; if people can't get along, then they need to be civil on the boards or they're all gone.

(This is under the assumption that "dispute" is a clash of personalities and not an actual problem eg harassment).

[bigballofyarn]

Nov 27, 2021 18:26:30 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

How do you handle big member fights and you technically like everyone and don't wanna be involved but you have to make the choice of who gets banned and who stays?

I think this is a common struggle for forum admins. A lot of things might be going through your mind. "If I delete the the member(s), will my forum lose a lot of activity? If I delete one and not the other, will the banned person retaliate against me? I feel badly about deleting people. Should I let them post because of free speech? They get along with everyone else. Etc."

In my 18 years of using ProBoards, I've had ever single one of those thoughts and more. How you handle things is up to you and can be unique to each situation. You can technically ban any person for any reason, and never tell them why. If someone is causing you stress, you don't have to just let them keep posting. I understand how running a forum can sometimes feel like running a daycare and you want to be the peacemaker of everyone, but it's not always possible.

Try to look at how the problem person/people are affecting the entire forum. Does anyone enjoy their bickering? Are they making people upset? Are they adding anything of value? Don't keep them around only because you want more posts on your forum. What you really want are quality posts, not just a high quantity of posts.

[Dazzal]

Nov 27, 2021 18:26:30 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

How do you handle big member fights and you technically like everyone and don't wanna be involved but you have to make the choice of who gets banned and who stays?

dragonfli On my forum I have typed in my guidelines that if members have a personality clash, to PM and work it out themselves. The only time I get involved is if there is attacking going on the forum, and then it's up to my discretion to ban, delete or give a warning to the member/members, depending on the circumstances. I haven't had any issues, as it works for me.

[dragonfli]

You all are very nice to me. What's the biggest tip when you have personalitty clashes if you can sum it up in 1-2 sentences?

[bigballofyarn]

Dec 10, 2021 11:26:38 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

You all are very nice to me. What's the biggest tip when you have personalitty clashes if you can sum it up in 1-2 sentences?

The best thing to keep in mind online and even offline is that you can't control other people, and their fights are not your fault or responsibility to fix. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

[Kami]

Dec 10, 2021 11:26:38 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

You all are very nice to me. What's the biggest tip when you have personalitty clashes if you can sum it up in 1-2 sentences?

Personality clashes happen; it's not about "good" or "bad" usually, it's just at the end of the day some personalities don't mesh well and that's actually totally okay. All you can really do is encourage civility, and if that doesn't pan out for whatever reason then you have the clarity to know what to do in order to keep your community as a whole a healthy and welcoming environment.

[Dazzal]

If I have a personality clash with someone on my forum, I stay away from them, depending on the circumstance. On other forums the same thing. If someone bothers me with PM's on my own forum, I ask them to ONLY PM when it's important, such as a support issue.

[¡Lance!]

Nov 27, 2021 18:26:30 GMT -8 dragonfli said:

How do you handle big member fights and you technically like everyone and don't wanna be involved but you have to make the choice of who gets banned and who stays?

As an admin or staff of a site it's your job to take an impartial position when something like this occurs. Sure you can be friends or at least friendly with everyone, but you also have to step into that role when this occurs. In some cases you stop it before it gets too far and delete the threads/posts from both members and hand out warnings. 

Personal opinion and probably a bit old school but; sites should have warning and disciplinary systems in place for this reason. They should also be visible to others so they know what actions will have consequences.

If members actions persist after repeated warnings and and disciplinary actions then Temp and Perma Bans are punishments that are well within your right to dish out to people who have decided they're going to continue doing what they want even after being talked to.