Having a really hard time right now

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

So my mom ended up in the hospital recently. Like she's been there for over a week now. She had to have surgery and now she is in the ICU with some infections and the medicine they gave her isn't dealing with the infections. No one really thinks she will make it much longer she seems to be getting worse. 

Please pray for my mom and or keep her in your thoughts.

I am having a really hard time dealing with all of this. Yes, I have family but we aren't extremely close and I've always had a hard time expressing my emotions/ feelings to any of them. 

I am so scared what is going to happen.

[wildmaven]

I understand. ((((HUGS)))) My Dad is in hospice and my Mom recently got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Neither are expected to live much longer.

You can always simply say, or even message, your family and say just what you said before: "I'm having a hard time with this and can't express my feelings outwardly right now, but please know it should in no way demonstrate a lack of care or love."

We're here for you, know that. I just said a prayer of strength for her, and for you.

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

Jul 31, 2022 9:16:27 GMT -8 wildmaven said:

I understand. ((((HUGS)))) My Dad is in hospice and my Mom recently got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Neither are expected to live much longer.

You can always simply say, or even message, your family and say just what you said before: "I'm having a hard time with this and can't express my feelings outwardly right now, but please know it should in no way demonstrate a lack of care or love."

We're here for you, know that. I just said a prayer of strength for her, and for you.

 
The past couple of years she has been through way too much. She has cancer and had a whole other bunch of issues with her health. 
I feel I need closure too. 

I feel awful because days before she went to the hospital we had a stupid fight and she was telling me she felt like a burden to this family. I probably made her feel that way.  

I'm worried if I say anything to my family they will tell me I'm overreacting. 

I feel too they don't understand how I truly feel since I have depression and loneliness it's so hard for me to be by myself these days since my mom has been in the Hospital. All I do most of the day is cry. I feel so alone it hurts. 

[wildmaven]

Are you in the same town as her?

Depression can make you fail to see your options and only see roadblocks. It is in most of our natures to want to help others, so can you call your family and just start with, "I need your help," and see where it leads?

A medical emergency can often bring family together, or it can tear them apart. Start all conversations with humility, a goal of mutual acceptance even if you don't see eye to eye, and the knowledge that everyone is hurting, even if they don't show it.

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

Jul 31, 2022 14:25:17 GMT -8 wildmaven said:

Are you in the same town as her?

Depression can make you fail to see your options and only see roadblocks. It is in most of our natures to want to help others, so can you call your family and just start with, "I need your help," and see where it leads?

A medical emergency can often bring family together, or it can tear them apart. Start all conversations with humility, a goal of mutual acceptance even if you don't see eye to eye, and the knowledge that everyone is hurting, even if they don't show it.

No my family is all over. But my sister is in the next town over.

It's hard for me to ask for help from family because they like to judge me for how I react to things.
That's why I tend to not ask for any help from family. 

But I did manage to ask my niece if she could come over to spend time with me today. She spent hours with me and just left. It felt nice having her here with me. I asked her if she could do it more often so I don't have to be alone. 

Our family tries to come together with bad stuff happening. But at the same time I feel as if we are drifting apart too. 

[wildmaven]

Jul 31, 2022 15:01:34 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

No my family is all over. But my sister is in the next town over.

It's hard for me to ask for help from family because they like to judge me for how I react to things.
That's why I tend to not ask for any help from family. 

But I did manage to ask my niece if she could come over to spend time with me today. She spent hours with me and just left. It felt nice having her here with me. I asked her if she could do it more often so I don't have to be alone. 

Our family tries to come together with bad stuff happening. But at the same time I feel as if we are drifting apart too. 

Is your Mom in the same town as you, is what I meant. If so, do go and see her. If not, and your Mom is conscious, do call her, even if it's hard. You will regret it if you don't. You don't have to discuss the fight, just let her know that you're thinking of her and that you love her. That's all anyone in the hospital wants to hear.

I'm glad you have your niece. Right now, with the family coming together, take some joy in that. Tell them that you appreciate how everyone is rallying around your Mom. Acknowledging everyone's contribution, even if small, will go a long way in mending fences.

[🎶Sossity🎶]

Sorry to hear about your mum all that you’ve going through.
Sending caring thoughts your way.

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

Jul 31, 2022 22:27:35 GMT -8 wildmaven said:

Jul 31, 2022 15:01:34 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

No my family is all over. But my sister is in the next town over.

It's hard for me to ask for help from family because they like to judge me for how I react to things.
That's why I tend to not ask for any help from family. 

But I did manage to ask my niece if she could come over to spend time with me today. She spent hours with me and just left. It felt nice having her here with me. I asked her if she could do it more often so I don't have to be alone. 

Our family tries to come together with bad stuff happening. But at the same time I feel as if we are drifting apart too. 

Is your Mom in the same town as you, is what I meant. If so, do go and see her. If not, and your Mom is conscious, do call her, even if it's hard. You will regret it if you don't. You don't have to discuss the fight, just let her know that you're thinking of her and that you love her. That's all anyone in the hospital wants to hear.

I'm glad you have your niece. Right now, with the family coming together, take some joy in that. Tell them that you appreciate how everyone is rallying around your Mom. Acknowledging everyone's contribution, even if small, will go a long way in mending fences.

Yeah she is. But I don't go out by myself so I have a hard time getting to see her. My niece usually takes me when she goes into work since she works there and then takes me home after she has a visit too. 

My mom is a bit conscious but mostly sleepy. 

I think the fences will be harder to mend. My younger sister freaked out at me yesterday cutting my visit with my mom short and that is not forgivable how she treated me. 
So now I don't know if I will have anyone to take me to see my mom anymore.

[wildmaven]

Aug 6, 2022 4:40:20 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

Yeah she is. But I don't go out by myself so I have a hard time getting to see her. My niece usually takes me when she goes into work since she works there and then takes me home after she has a visit too. 

My mom is a bit conscious but mostly sleepy. 

I think the fences will be harder to mend. My younger sister freaked out at me yesterday cutting my visit with my mom short and that is not forgivable how she treated me. 
So now I don't know if I will have anyone to take me to see my mom anymore.

When everyone is stressed, freaked out, and scared it's easy to say the wrong thing. You're all concerned for each other and reacting in ways out of concern that might feel good at the time, but might not come across as was intended.

I know you've mentioned many times in the past that you don't go out without the help of someone else. Can you elaborate? It's okay if you don't, but it might help us to come up with suggestions that could help you.

Is it possible to arrange a schedule of visits that allows everyone time with your mom alone?

[Zenlethic]

I'm really sorry to hear your mother isn't doing so well.

Best of thoughts to you and the rest of your family.

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

Aug 6, 2022 9:16:17 GMT -8 wildmaven said:

Aug 6, 2022 4:40:20 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

Yeah she is. But I don't go out by myself so I have a hard time getting to see her. My niece usually takes me when she goes into work since she works there and then takes me home after she has a visit too. 

My mom is a bit conscious but mostly sleepy. 

I think the fences will be harder to mend. My younger sister freaked out at me yesterday cutting my visit with my mom short and that is not forgivable how she treated me. 
So now I don't know if I will have anyone to take me to see my mom anymore.

When everyone is stressed, freaked out, and scared it's easy to say the wrong thing. You're all concerned for each other and reacting in ways out of concern that might feel good at the time, but might not come across as was intended.

I know you've mentioned many times in the past that you don't go out without the help of someone else. Can you elaborate? It's okay if you don't, but it might help us to come up with suggestions that could help you.

Is it possible to arrange a schedule of visits that allows everyone time with your mom alone?

Yeah true. I said stupid stuff that I thought was the right thing to say and later realized sounded rude or stupid or something that just wasn't right.

I have a hard time being out in public around people and such. (Agoraphobia) 
It's not quite as bad now since I've had it for years. I can handle going around inside like 2 stores and the hospital pretty decently without having a massive panic attack or anything else. But outside just to take a walk or anything  panic really bad and I can't really move my legs. I always explained agoraphobia take your worst fear and multiply it by 1000 
That's how scary it is for me to leave the house. 

Sometimes I mange to get the mail at the end of our driveway and take out the trash, and other times I just can't do it. 

That's hard. My younger sister spends the nights there. So basically she is there off and on through out the entire day. 
My niece goes into work for 8/8:30 (can't remember I think it was 8:30) and then she gets out around 4:30/5 so that is my time frame to visit or else I can't get up there. My older sister goes when she isn't working or when she doesn't have a lot of work for the day. So that varies with her. 

The only time I really had a lone with my mom was when my younger sister went to our older sisters house to shower. But that felt like I didn't get much time with her. 

[wildmaven]

Aug 6, 2022 10:57:13 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

Sometimes I mange to get the mail at the end of our driveway and take out the trash, and other times I just can't do it.

With that kind of agoraphobia, I bet you would qualify for a true medical service dog. Most patients with service dogs find that they can get out of the house more and for longer when with a service dog, because they learn to trust that the service dog knows when there is danger. Watching the service dog when feelings of anxiety hit, and seeing that the dog isn't showing signs of alert, can teach the patient not to be as fearful.

These dogs are specifically trained for these kinds of tasks. I am not talking about a dog who is considered an emotional support animal. I'm talking about dogs that have gone through the official service dog training. I really think you would qualify but you have to talk to your physician about it.

[Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti]

Aug 6, 2022 14:11:36 GMT -8 wildmaven said:

Aug 6, 2022 10:57:13 GMT -8 Michelangelo "Spike" Scarlatti said:

Sometimes I mange to get the mail at the end of our driveway and take out the trash, and other times I just can't do it.

With that kind of agoraphobia, I bet you would qualify for a true medical service dog. Most patients with service dogs find that they can get out of the house more and for longer when with a service dog, because they learn to trust that the service dog knows when there is danger. Watching the service dog when feelings of anxiety hit, and seeing that the dog isn't showing signs of alert, can teach the patient not to be as fearful.

These dogs are specifically trained for these kinds of tasks. I am not talking about a dog who is considered an emotional support animal. I'm talking about dogs that have gone through the official service dog training. I really think you would qualify but you have to talk to your physician about it.

Yeah housing already said years ago I could get a pet for my disability, but my mom is allergic to cat and or dog hair so it wouldn't work out. :/ 

That sounds cool. I really wish I could get one.