People Leaving

[dustys]

Do you take it personally when longtime members disappear or delete their accounts w/o notice? What maes people decide to never visit a site again when they formed friendships?

[Former Member]

usually, when something like that happens, they had a falling out of some sort. Instead of wanting to cause more of an issue, people tend to leave without notice. Could be possible they still reach said friendships in a different means unless it was that said friend that caused the tiff. I have been a member of proboards for 10 years now, I've left sites before due to a falling out. I've also remade my global account here due to the fact that i didn't want to be traced. But i'm over that now, sometimes it happens my dude. I'm sorry that you are going through that if you are </3

[gidgetee]

Sometimes life gets in the way. I’ve done this I wouldn’t take it personally. I lost a few people to cancer in a short amount of time as an example. You don’t know what is going on in someone’s life.

[Kami]

I wouldn't say that "usually" it's as a result of falling out; sometimes it is but in the last 20 years of me being online, its far more frequent that offline just gets in the way. I know I've left forums with the intention of coming back but just never do because I wind up losing interest while I'm gone, or because I get so busy I can't come back in the time frame I've said, or because something else takes my attention.

Honestly, my biggest advice to anyone considering on becoming an admin / is a new admin is to not take anything personally. It's the nature of communities as a whole, especially online, for members to come and go with or without warning. 

[Former Member]

i completely agree i forget to input that as well ahaha. Because there had been times when people had left due to IRL issues. So either way, best to just cherish the memories and make more -nod nod-

[Adira]

When I was an admin. I could at times feel frustrated when people vanished, but I never held it against anyone since over the years I've come to just accept it as the law of the internet.

I feel like the internet and real life have this barrier that is hard to break through. There is always a disconnect and separation that makes it easier to just up and leave. This is with everything online though, friends, sites, etc.

You can change your name as easily as you breathe. And unlike in real life you don't have to face any consequences of leaving. I feel like that's why it's so prevalent online. Sometimes, life gets in the way, other times people just move on because there was nothing really connecting to them in the first place.

For myself, I used to always have a reason, either a big one or a bunch of small things that have built up over time for leaving. But now real life comes to drag me away because of medical reasons. I find it hard to be on a site for a long time because something medical related flares up and I vanish for a couple of months. After that returning for me is hard.

I'm sure other people have a variety of excuses or reasons, some true, some untrue. In the end sadly online is just a place where people can easily vanish without a trace just as easily as they join a site.

[bigballofyarn]

As an admin, sometimes you will feel like you are running a daycare. You will feel personally responsible for the well-being and accountability of all your members. Just like if you were to lose a child at a daycare, when a member disappears without a warning, you will understandably be left with many different emotions. "Did I do something wrong? Did I treat them badly? Where are they? Are they okay?"

Anything you may be feeling is both rational and justified. However, self-blame doesn't help fix this situation. People can leave for a number of reasons. Maybe they lost Internet access. Maybe they did have a fight with another member. Maybe they didn't want all the attention that comes along with making a goodbye thread. It is frustrating because curiosity will get the best of you. Sometimes, it doesn't even start with the intent to leave forever. He/she may have only wanted a few days away from all forms of social media. Then, the longer the break, the more they realize they want to spend time doing something else, and the easier it is to never return.

I've had people disappear for a few years. One of these people actually continued to pay for my forum's ad-free viewing while they were gone. So, I was happy to know they were still alive, but had no idea what happened while they were gone. If people just stop logging in to a site or app, I would say that something is going on in their life that has nothing to do with you. If someone makes an effort to remove their account completely, I would then think they want to disassociate themself from the website or app. Even there, it might not be personal. I get in random moods where I don't want any apps on my phone and I delete everything because it feels like as much clutter as a messy room.

[Retread]

Jan 17, 2020 10:55:53 GMT -8 dustys said:

Do you take it personally when longtime members disappear or delete their accounts w/o notice?

No.

[aaeiyn]

It's not so much that I take it, personally, it's just I don't like the constant back and forth of joining, leaving, re-joining, leaving, re-joining, leaving, etc. Because I run a Points based system, it gets a little annoying having to re-do the same person's information, over and over again. When it's like, I'm not going to remove you, if you disappear for like 10+ years and come back when you remember about the existence of the Board. And won't have to work so hard re-gaining those same points :/

[Former Member]

I can understand how frustrating that can be.

[ZandraJoi]

If they were longtime members & we were "friends", yes, I get hurt & take it personally. I would feel that same way if I was dropped by an epal or local friend. It doesn't take much to have common courtesy. Even if the reply is, Thank you, but the forum is not for me anymore...

[comics]

I do not think it is something to take personally. It is seldom personal that some people delete their profile. It can be for a various of reasons, and it is part of the whole forum-experience that sometimes people do that.

[Dazzal]

Some members just don't want to post on forums anymore. They prefer Facebook and do their interacting with family/friends on that social site. When Yuku was taken over by Tapatalk some of my members followed me to Proboards and others wanted to solely be on Facebook. In that regard I don't take it personally.

[STLUEE]

What bothers me is when they delete their account from my forum and other friends forums. Joins others, without a message why, they chose to leave.

[Ghost]

It can definitely be frustrating, but i try not to take it personally and just assume they've got something going on that I don't know about and are just trying to take care of themselves as best they can.

I had a forum years ago that I was invested in, and had made a lot of friends on, but when my mom died suddenly/unexpectedly I had to leave because there was too much going on for me offline (and the subject matter of the forum made me think about my mom too much). I managed to say a quick goodbye/give a quick explanation before leaving but doing that was really hard and taxing. So when people just leave with no explanation I try to just remember that sometimes saying goodbye is hard and if someone already has a lot on their plate it might just be a little too much.

Generally, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they're doing their best to deal with whatever situation is before them.